No Offence But…
When working with clients, I think we all have heard the words "no offence but....". For me that is usually followed by, "you're just a young girl, you don't have the life experience to understand what I've been through" . I don't hear that currently as I work with 18-25year olds, and I find that my age and gender are often now advantageous to forming therapeutic rapports with my clients. When I worked, in general practice, on the inpatient wards, IAPT (improving acccess to psychological therapies) and in my bank role with crisis services, I have often heard those words on a number of occasions.
I remember one occasion when working as admin in a GP surgery. I would have been in my early 20's at the time. An gentleman in his 40's/50's came in and wasn't happy that I was unable to get him an appointment that day. I remember being behind the screen while another colleague was on the reception desk. He came in and began shouting and then I heard 'that young one, the bit of a kid'.
On the wards I would have patients attempt to offend me by commenting on my age and appearance. I had one male patient once shout at me, when trying to complete a safety plan, 'you don't know anything about mental health, you're just some little kid'. I also had a female patient once follow me and over my shoulder she repeated 'what are you, twelve?'.
When I worked within IAPT, on one occasion I was asked by a client if an older therapist or male therapist could take over their care, as I just simply wouldn't understand.
Even in my counselling course my tutor has made comments of 'you will hit walls because you don't have the life experience' or when discussing a manager making insensitive comments about someone's mental health, saying 'I expected them to be around Jess' age'.
Each time I am faced with these comments, it can feel disheartening that people judge you off your age and gender. Sometimes these judgements are made from your voice alone.
Where I may have in the past taken these comments to heart, now it makes me feel quite sad to think that some people hold those preducides. They begin with 'you're lovely but..' or conclude with 'no offence' because they feel that they are justified in saying these things.
Now I take time with people like this to explain that age doesn't indicate a limit of experience. I often have to explain that the majority of staff where I am working are young females and that we all have the appropriate training and qualifications to support them. I also try if I can, if I feel it will be met well, to ask the client why they feel this way or why they feel my age or gender would impact upon their care. I feel like this not only helps the client reflect, but allows me to break down their concerns and provide reassurance.
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